Thoughts on Things

So I attended a training session recently in which we were shown a list of words paired together. The pairs were opposites, for example; Flexible or Rigid. We were then asked to identify which word in each set we saw within ourselves.

I looked at the list and I could not place myself into exactly one or the other in each set of choices. I realized that my decisions/behaviors are individually determined by the each unique situation.

While I may deal with the same “type” of situation there will never be 2 situations exactly the same. The people involved may even be the same more than one time, but there are other factors at play in each of our lives which make “identical” situations impossible.

So why should I be one way – or – the other? Shouldn’t I always be open to either choice depending on the situation?

For Example; take Rigid or Flexible…

There are times when I must be Rigid when dealing with certain behaviors and the consequences thereof (with everyone in life) – however – in order to make sure that I make a fair and unbiased decision I need to listen to those involved to gather more information.  This in turn means that I need to be open to what they have to say and to do this I need to be what? Yep, Flexible…

Being flexible does not mean ignoring morals, standards or policy or what have you. To me it means being open to the possible extenuating circumstances in life which may impact our behaviors/situations and remain open to the possibility of alternative solutions.

Here’s another example Calm or Irritated…

Well the only thing I could think of for this one was me sitting in traffic on the way to work/home. There are days when it just irritates the (well…never mind 🙂  ) ..There are days it irritates me and there are days when, eh- not so much.

If I am running late or am just in a crappy mood then yep you bet I make myself miserable the entire way by being irritated at something outside of my control. However, if I leave early enough and am in a decent mood I simply shrug it off, open my sunroof, turn up my CD, light a cigarette and enjoy the early morning breeze and the tunes.  – Some days, if I am smart I change my attitude halfway there and get to enjoy a little bit of the ride.

My point is my choices in life are never determined solely by me, they are influenced by the situations in which I find myself…

What so you think? How do you think you choose the choices you make?

Dear Companies, Temp Agencies, and any other Corporation, Government Entity or Organization who has a policy against working with ex-offenders,

I am only one person in a sea of those who made mistakes in their lives as we grew up, but today I am speaking for the millions who are in the same or similar circumstances as mine. I do not think your policy is fair, just, open-minded or in the spirit of Equal Opportunity Employment.

This policy may have its merit in certain circumstances where the crime that was committed did harm to another person, either physically or by theft. However in cases like mine where the only person I truly hurt was myself (other than emotional damage to those who loved me) – this policy is unjustified.

Image (if you can) that you were in our situation. How would you feel when eight years later (or longer for some), after completing all sentencing and taking every opportunity provided to better yourself, you were able to find some who believed in you and made a successful career for those eight years. Then you were laid off.

You begin searching for work and almost a year later and you get a phone call saying that you are scheduled for a phone interview…Elation right? Then the call comes. You spend half an hour on the phone with all indications that you are in the running. Then they ask you about your criminal record. They ask you the charges, and you tell them they were drug related charges (and related types of charges for some women who end up homeless and addicted) and before you can tell them your story they cut you off with “oh, I am so sorry our company has a policy against representing clients with those kinds of charges.” “Good luck in your search”…

So…This policy should be mentioned FIRST..why give false hope?

Worse yet, let’s add the fact that your policy does not even allow for an “interview”, nor do you even bother to call the “references”.  You simply rule people out based on what is on paper…

How would you REALLY feel? Let’s not waste time by you telling me what you would want your “friends” or “co-workers” with the same mindset hear.

Every day we hear stories and commercials about helping people with Drug addictions get their lives back, but does that include helping them gain “WORTHWHILE” employment? Not in my opinion. Because working in fast food, or housekeeping, or any other various types of “Service” work- while they have their merits- is not enough to make a “LIVING WAGE”…

I know that at the bottom of every application it states that a criminal charge does not eliminate you from employment, but that some employer’s may have their own policies …unfortunately this is an out for you – so that you can rule out everyone who has made mistakes.

People change, and we work REALLY HARD to do so, to make ourselves and others proud of us, and when life throws us a curve ball, we try to keep going – but narrow minded policies such as these do not make it easy.

I know that I am responsible for my own mistakes in life, and I am not throwing that off on anyone, however I think there comes a time when people should be considered as “paid up”.

For those of you out there who face the same struggle everyday, I hope you can hear me when I say do not give up, to do so would only fan the flames of policies such as these.

 

 

This is the time of year when I usually lock myself away and dig through all of those scraps of paper and end up drowning myself in the memories of my Mom and “what I could have done” to have her here with me now. Over the years many of you (my friends) have invited me to spend the holidays with you, and have graciously accepted the lame excuses I came up with (while silently shaking your heads and mentally shaking me as well). I love you all for trying and for accepting that I was just not ready.

You see, I have not celebrated the holidays in a long time. I don’t mean the “commercial” version of the holidays where you decorate and buy presents; I am too lazy and stingy with my money for all that. I am referring to the part where you enjoy family and friends and remember to be thankful for everything you have, because let’s admit it…most of the time we forget that and concentrate on what we don’t have or what we need just to survive.

My past adult life (although a path of my choosing) was not an easy one and I turned off many of those emotions which make us truly compassionate and caring people. When I got my life back together I never turned those back on, till I found my Mom. See, I had lost contact with her and had not heard from her in about 3years. Then after only about 2 short years, I lost her for good when she passed away.

I felt something inside me go out that day, I became even more reclusive than before and not just during this time of year although the holidays are a huge trigger for me to be an emotional wreck (yes, I already know that some of this is due to guilt). Her birthday was Dec 27^th.  While she was not my only “living” family member – she really was – I am sure most of (if not all) you understand my meaning.

Which brings me back to my reason for posting this in the first place, this year is different.

Right about this time last year I was reconnected with my “second father and mother” thru Facebook.  When I was growing up my parents best friends were the “second parents”. The ones who helped raise me, love me, scold me and encourage me. As happens with military families the “family” was split up when they got reassigned. It turns out they have been trying to find us ever since they got back to the states.

Now I am not a “religious’ person, but I do believe in the power of energy and love. Here is why I say this, they found me right about the same time as the 3yr anniversary of my mother’s death. I believe that there is a reason that we were connected by the universe then.  I have a family again, and I think that is what she wanted, for someone to watch over her little girl and for her best friends to know that they have me as well.

They have shown me love and have accepted all of the things I have done and been through as part of my past and love me anyway. My life is a mess right now and they remind me to be strong and that there are still things to enjoy.

So this year, thanks to their love and the love of all of you who have been there with the love and invitations over the years, patiently waiting for my heart to thaw..This year is different.

This year, I will not be locked in my house with paper, boxes and memories. This year I will be surrounded warmth, the love of my mother, and family. And I will be creating some new memories.

To all of you, have a fantabulous holiday season surrounded by those you love. I hope that the glow that comes from your soul outshines any gift you may receive.

Wow. It has been a long time since I have posted any thoughts here..but I hope that you all will take a moment to read this:

First, to the many of you who I adore, love and cherish – my friends, I am sorry. I am sorry for being so wrapped up in other areas of my life that I forget to call, or email, – if for nothing else than to tell you that I adore, love and cherish you. I am sorry for only calling when it seems urgent, or when I need something (because I know only you have that magic) – sorry for assuming that you know that I always adore, love and cherish you.

There are not many of you who love me enough  to truly call me a friend and I am so grateful for those of you who do.  You inspire me even when you are not around – memories flood my mind of advice given, sorrows made easier by your words and your laughter, life made into “living” by your belief in me- and your determination to make me have that same belief in myself.

and I say it now – I thank you for being my friends, I adore you, I cherish you and I love you. I think of you often and am going to be making some calls and sending some emails – why? Because I miss you, and because I know it’s my turn to reach out.

Second, I know that there is great loss, pain and sadness in our community at this time, but there is also great love, compassion and healing – thank you to every person out there who has put someone else before themselves today ~

Teenya

 

 

I have learned that words, whether spoken or written will have an effect on those listening to or reading them. The effect that they have may vary, but words will always have an impact.

The problem with words is that they are almost always open to individual interpretation.  A writer or speaker may hope to take you down their path of understanding – but they have no real guarantee that you will follow.

I remember back in high school our English teacher would assign us books or passages out of books to read and then she would ask us to tell her what the author was trying to convey, then she would tell us the “right answer”.  This always bothered me. How could anyone really know what “right answer” truly was– unless we could ask the author ourselves? Without this capability might many of us misinterpret the true intentions of the author?

Spoken words often contain more power and can be misinterpreted more readily because you have to factor in the “live human”. As humans we are prone to using body language to accentuate our words. We may not be aware of the subtle gestures, facial expressions, and even posture which we exhibit as we hold conversations with one another.

These conscious or unconscious gestures and expressions are just as open to individual interpretation as the words which accompany them.

Today was one of those days when as an outsider looking in on the world around me that I felt the need to share these words….

Please choose your words carefully so that those around you can easily follow the path you are intending us to follow, and provide you with the understanding that you are seeking. If you are not sure we are following you – ask us, or allow us the opportunity to ask you.

Without understanding there can be no further conversation, no part 2 of the story and most important, without understanding – change cannot occur in a way which is beneficial to EVERYONE.

Words hold power.

Small things matter – sometimes more than we all realize, here are some of my thoughts…

Out shopping the other day and as I waited in line, I observed a customer who was speaking rather loudly and not very politely to the cashier who was having issues with her computer. As a person who used work in retail, and who is familiar with technology on at least a manageable level, I had this private conversation with myself as the scene unfolded “Why be rude to the person who is trying to help you? So they may not know the answer to your question and have to ask someone else – at least they are trying to help.  – How Rude!”

Then today, I found myself being rude to a poor telephone operator who first of all was working on Christmas, and was just as baffled at my situation as I was. I realized what I was doing and apologized to him for being rude. I tried to let him know that I understood that it was not his fault and that I was mad at the situation and not him. I could hear him calm down and he laughed and said “I understand I would be mad too”. We proceeded to have a nice conversation about the ineptness of a certain agency, the holidays and the weather as we waited for his manger to assist him on another line. When I hung up the phone I was mad at myself for acting exactly like the woman I criticized above. It was a small thing for me to acknowledge that there was a real person on the other end of the phone; however it made a big difference in how they felt.

So during this Holiday Season, as I look around and listen to all the “Good Will” floating around, I hope that all of us (Me included) remember that we should feel this way Year Round, not just when the Calendar tells us to.

Pay it forward…small things matter. This is my resolution for the upcoming year. To remember that everyone matters, and that we all need to feel human and cared about – no matter what our situation, and to help others feel that year round.

 

This time of year is one that makes me nostalgic, it never fails. Each year I dig into the back of the closet, piss off all the spiders, sneeze from all the dust and pull them out.

You know what I’m talking about don’t you? Yep, the boxes containing the items left or given to me by members of my family.

These boxes contain trinkets, baubles, pictures and other various items which tell the story of my family.  My favorite treasures are the Scraps of Paper all neatly saved inside envelopes. The first time I sorted through the boxes I just glanced over them and dismissed them to go through later. Now they are the first things that I reach for on my yearly quest to “remember when”.

I have found that these scraps of paper are actually the key to who my family was. They contain handwritten notes, receipts, song verses, poetry, bad jokes, sarcastic retorts (which could only have been written by someone who dared not say their thoughts out loud) and there are even some pretty good doodles and cartoons drawn on them.

I love to look at the handwriting on the pages, to see the ebb, flow and curl of the letters and words. I often recognize the writing and remember the person who wrote it and the times we spent together.

Both my Grandmother and Mother were huge “Scribblers”; they were never without a pad by their sides. They were also packrats, so I now have all those pads. When I read their random thoughts I can hear their voices and I miss them just a little less because I can feel them with me.

Usually I end up in tears on the floor, surrounded by memories with a tiny smile on my face.

I pack each and every Scrap of Paper away carefully until next year, when right before Christmas I will read them again and spend some time with my family.