So I attended a training session recently in which we were shown a list of words paired together. The pairs were opposites, for example; Flexible or Rigid. We were then asked to identify which word in each set we saw within ourselves.
I looked at the list and I could not place myself into exactly one or the other in each set of choices. I realized that my decisions/behaviors are individually determined by the each unique situation.
While I may deal with the same “type” of situation there will never be 2 situations exactly the same. The people involved may even be the same more than one time, but there are other factors at play in each of our lives which make “identical” situations impossible.
So why should I be one way – or – the other? Shouldn’t I always be open to either choice depending on the situation?
For Example; take Rigid or Flexible…
There are times when I must be Rigid when dealing with certain behaviors and the consequences thereof (with everyone in life) – however – in order to make sure that I make a fair and unbiased decision I need to listen to those involved to gather more information. This in turn means that I need to be open to what they have to say and to do this I need to be what? Yep, Flexible…
Being flexible does not mean ignoring morals, standards or policy or what have you. To me it means being open to the possible extenuating circumstances in life which may impact our behaviors/situations and remain open to the possibility of alternative solutions.
Here’s another example Calm or Irritated…
Well the only thing I could think of for this one was me sitting in traffic on the way to work/home. There are days when it just irritates the (well…never mind 🙂 ) ..There are days it irritates me and there are days when, eh- not so much.
If I am running late or am just in a crappy mood then yep you bet I make myself miserable the entire way by being irritated at something outside of my control. However, if I leave early enough and am in a decent mood I simply shrug it off, open my sunroof, turn up my CD, light a cigarette and enjoy the early morning breeze and the tunes. – Some days, if I am smart I change my attitude halfway there and get to enjoy a little bit of the ride.
My point is my choices in life are never determined solely by me, they are influenced by the situations in which I find myself…
What so you think? How do you think you choose the choices you make?
IMHO (have to say that right up front), behavior can be a reaction or it can be a response. Reactions are automatic, especially in repetitive situations, with very little sense of awareness attached. They are spontaneous and maybe even predictable, if you can step back afterwards and analyze the situation. Responses require awareness and intention, and, again IMHO, practice. It’s kinda like yoga, the more you practice, the better you get at it.
In my experience changing behavior patterns, like our auto response to traffic or waiting in long lines at the grocery store, begins with the awareness that those old auto reactions are not working for us (as Dr. Phil would say). Once I began to practice my intention of happiness, it began to come more easily. Even though I expect it to be a lifelong journey, just like yoga, I like the practice and the way it makes me feel.
For me, it’s also about letting go. I know my ego wants to be in control. It wants it so bad that if I let it, it will make me miserable (ie. waiting in line). My ego is like a small child in my brain that always wants what it wants, and my awareness is like the child’s mother soothing her with warm hugs.